Brainy Gamer

What's the world coming to? Get this. A flock of crazed thespian gamers are hauling their anti-social, brain-rotting hobby onto a stage and calling it theater. What next? The Monster Truck Rally Repertory Company?

I'm so appalled by this deplorable project that I plan to urge everyone I know not to see GAME PLAY: A Festival of Video Game Theater at The Brick Theater, 575 Metropolitan Avenue in Brooklyn, one block from the Lorimer stop of the L train or the Metropolitan stop of the G train. If you happen to know anyone who plans to order tickets online, be sure to forcefully dissuade them from doing so, lest our art culture suffer further abominable cross-breeding.

Better the devil you know, I always say, so I will grudgingly provide the dreadful details. Erase them from your memory as soon as possible to avoid permanent damage to your soul.

Adventure Quest
The town of Perilton has been invaded by an evil wizard, and only our hero can save it! Cheer as he fights for the hand of the mayor's daughter! Gasp as he infiltrates the bloodthirsty Octopus Cult! Watch as he meticulously collects inventory items! Shift uncomfortably in your seat as the narrative gradually implodes! Glance around nervously as characters are brutally murdered for no particular reason! Despair as your faith in a meaningful, ordered universe is shaken! Evoking the Golden Age of home computer gaming, Adventure Quest is both a nostalgic treat and a glimpse into the yawning Void.

Thank You, But Our Princess Is In Another Castle:
Four Live-Action Machinima Theater Pieces
Utilizing World of Warcraft, Halo 3 and Grand Theft Auto 4, Machinima Theater Auteur Eddie Kim presents four classical theater texts, as performed by online video game characters manipulated by gamers live on stage. Video games as digital puppetry! Technicians will use several X-Box 360 consoles and laptops linked to each other and to gamers over the internet to control digital characters in real-time in front of an audience. See the stories of Niobe and the Japanese poet Ono no Komachi as never before. A digital movement piece, chiptunes interludes and a version of Alvin Lucier's legendary "I am Sitting in a Room" also will be presented. Including live chiptune music by OxygenStar (http://www.oxygenstarpower.com)!

Suspicious Package: Rx
Following last year’s hit show, Suspicious Package, The Fifth Wall is proud to present an all-new adventure employing the same revolutionary technology that turned audiences into actors and the streets of Williamsburg into a stage in what NY Press called “one of the best times I have had at the theater.” Suspicious Package: Rx takes our intrepid audience/cast into a not-too-distant post-apocalyptic future in which happy pills don’t make anyone happy, memories can’t be trusted, and everyone seems a little suspicious. Told via provided Zune Media Players, the story unfolds as audience members (six at a time) are guided through their roles with both aural and visual cues. Video flashbacks and narrative voiceovers fill in your backstory while maps of locations and your dialogue are displayed on screen. Part theatrical experience, part live video game, part Williamsburg walking tour, Suspicious Package: Rx immerses its audience within a 1960s sci-fi dystopia of a far-flung future that could be right around the corner.

If you decide to attend any of these exciting atrocious plays and have a wonderful miserable time, don't say I didn't warn you.